Subscribe to RSSMidlife, Getting Through the Crisis
We’ve all seen the guy: He is driving around in a new convertible sports car, usually some bright color, with a big smile on a face framed by graying sideburns. The new sports car for a 50-something male is the quintessential definition of the signal of a midlife crisis. Yet, the situation isn’t unique to men. It’s a potential bump in the road of life for all of us.
Midlife crises are so prevalent there is even a Website offering ‘life coaching’ and assistance for men to guide them through their wife’s midlife crisis. Many people have a midlife crisis between the ages of 40 and 60, usually in their 50s. International Journal of Psycho-Analysis outlines some of the factors that may contribute to a midlife crisis. These can include fragility of the mind; reduced physical performance; the approach of menopause in women; or a painful awareness of the time that has already passed.
Is this what we have to look forward to? No, thank God, says a recent Harvard University Study. Midlife doesn’t have to be a crisis, according to some recent studies.
The John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation Research Network on Successful Midlife Development (MIDMAC) at Harvard University has findings which may reduce anxiety about approaching your 50s. The MIDMAC involved about 8,000 U.S. men and women from 25 to 74 years old.
The project shows midlife to be a time of stable relationships and some financial security. Health remains good. Work is satisfying and relatively secure. Despite the widespread satisfaction with their lives, nine out of 10 respondents in the project said they would like to be younger than they are. Two-thirds said that most of the time they actually feel younger than their chronological age. Only 14 percent said that they feel older than their birth certificates indicate.
It appears one’s attitude toward aging can affect performance in the middle years.
The MIDMAC study also found that the number of stressful life events; what the researchers call psychological turning points; peaks during the middle years. But these events don’t necessarily trigger a midlife crisis in most people.
Both male and female menopause can take place during the ages between 40 and 50.
“People have told dramatic stories about how horrific menopause is, but it is not borne out by our study,” according to Paul Cleary, professor of medical sociology at Harvard Medical School, and a researcher on the MacArthur study as reported by the Washington Post.
“There’s great variability in how people experience certain things, and the point is that (severe symptoms are) relatively infrequent and certainly less frequent than a lot of the popular press would lead you to believe,” he said.
Some study respondents reported that their irritability declined during their middle years, with men saying it generally started to decrease after age 45 and women after age 50. Even the frequency of headaches declines with age in a pattern similar to irritability, according to the study. In particular, the project found that the emotional volatility and the stress that often accompanies the early years of adulthood; establishing a career or finding a job, getting married, starting a family and taking on parental responsibilities; gradually decline in middle years and wane even further as adults move into the ‘calmer, less frenzied days of old age.’
Some 72 percent of participants rated their marriages as excellent. Ninety percent said that they were not at all or not very likely to separate or get divorced.
Dr. Barbara Howard of Osage Beach, an MD and cosmetic surgeon, has some experience counseling people who are in the midlife group.
She says most of her conversations with clients is “from a cosmetic perspective, discussing filling the gap between time period of seeing some sagging of the skin but not ready for a face lift.” She encourages anyone who feels their appearance is making them feel bad about themselves to speak with a health care provider.
WebMD psychologist Linda Sapadin reports many people don’t realize that their midlife crisis may also depend on what their kids are doing.
“If you have kids that are adolescents, that definitely stimulates something in parents,” says Sapadin. “They’re watching their kids, so young and full of energy, full of options and rebellion, and it tends to stir something up in contrast, like “Here I am doing the same old thing, doing the responsible thing versus something adventurous.” People become aware of that, and it sometimes creates a sense of anxiety and a desire to change things. That’s where the classic buying-a-sports-car solution to the midlife crisis comes in.”
Chronic depression has both physical and mental consequences that may complicate an older adults’ existing health condition and trigger new concerns. Anyone who thinks they, a close friend or family member fall into that category should seek help. Depression is a disease.
For anyone who thinks they are in a midlife crisis, psychologists encourage them to recruit help in coping with it. Coping can include accepting that aging is inevitable; discussing your feelings with friends and family; speaking with a therapist; trying a new sport or hobby; volunteering at a local charity; traveling somewhere you have always dreamed about; working on improving nutrition; starting an exercise program after consulting a physician.
Be positive about aging.
“We have a saying at AARP that age is just a number and life is what you make it,” writes Bill Novelli, the CEO of AARP, in his book ‘50+: Igniting a Revolution to Reinvent America.’ Look at your growth from middle age into older age as an opportunity to re-evaluate and even change the direction of your life for the better. It appears the Harvard study confirms that midlife is not a crisis period at all, but a time to be happily married, financially secure and pleasantly happy.
That sports car still looks mighty enticing, though.
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